So here he is again - the Eye-Guy. I've been intending to make a comic starring this character for a while now. It's just he has so many eyes, man. And I don't want to keep having to draw all those eyes every time, you know? ... You get me? Do you get me? Do you understand?
Anyway, his overabundance of eyes has inspired me to come up with a list of things I would like about being blind, and a list of things I would not like about being blind.
Things I would like about being blind:
- I could wear sunglasses without feeling like a bell-end
- It would be easier to cultivate an aura of tragic dignity
- People wouldn't judge me for not being able to catch things
- I wouldn't ever have to look at Kevin Bacon's face again
- I would waste far less time looking at videos of hamsters caught helplessly/hilariously in their wheels
- Super hearing
- I could wear the exact same outfit every day and say that I'm only doing it because I can't pick out what colours and stuff go together and this is the only way I can be sure that everything matches, even though this has always secretly been my dream
Things I would not like about being blind:
- I would only be able to hear the finale of Breaking Bad
- I wouldn't be able to tell if people were rolling their eyes when they were talking to me
- If I got drunk and passed out and my friends drew a penis on my forehead I would have no way of knowing
- I'd have to use that weird headphone jack on ATMs
- I wouldn't be able to see people falling over. I would only hear everybody else lauging and I'd be all like - "Wha' happen'?"
- People would keep asking me stupid questions like: "Do you dream in colour?"
(I'm not worried about tempting fate with this post by-the-way, I'm very careful when it comes to protecting my sight. Although I did once accidentally spray WD40 in my eyes while doing the classic, "I'd better look into the nozzle to inspect why this isn't working" thing. I didn't go blind, my eyes were just really slippery for half an hour)