Best and Worst Things About Being Blind

So here he is again - the Eye-Guy. I've been intending to make a comic starring this character for a while now. It's just he has so many eyes, man. And I don't want to keep having to draw all those eyes every time, you know? ... You get me? Do you get me? Do you understand?

Eye-Guy alien in a suitAnyway, his overabundance of eyes has inspired me to come up with a list of things I would like about being blind, and a list of things I would not like about being blind.

Things I would like about being blind:
  • I could wear sunglasses without feeling like a bell-end
  • It would be easier to cultivate an aura of tragic dignity
  • People wouldn't judge me for not being able to catch things
  • I wouldn't ever have to look at Kevin Bacon's face again
  • I would waste far less time looking at videos of hamsters caught helplessly/hilariously in their wheels
  • Super hearing
  • I could wear the exact same outfit every day and say that I'm only doing it because I can't pick out what colours and stuff go together and this is the only way I can be sure that everything matches, even though this has always secretly been my dream

Things I would not like about being blind:
  • I would only be able to hear the finale of Breaking Bad
  • I wouldn't be able to tell if people were rolling their eyes when they were talking to me
  • If I got drunk and passed out and my friends drew a penis on my forehead I would have no way of knowing 
  • I'd have to use that weird headphone jack on ATMs
  • I wouldn't be able to see people falling over. I would only hear everybody else lauging and I'd be all like - "Wha' happen'?"
  • People would keep asking me stupid questions like: "Do you dream in colour?"

(I'm not worried about tempting fate with this post by-the-way, I'm very careful when it comes to protecting my sight. Although I did once accidentally spray WD40 in my eyes while doing the classic, "I'd better look into the nozzle to inspect why this isn't working" thing. I didn't go blind, my eyes were just really slippery for half an hour)

No comments:

Post a comment